Can't Speak French
by Flowerstar
Summary: Count/Lord Blumiere can't speak French so he expresses the feeling of not being able to speak the language through song. It's a songfic and birthday present for LazloTitan.


Disclaimer: I don't own _Super Paper Mario_, the unknown dimension the couple lives at, **Count**/**Lord Blumiere**, **Lady Timpani** and anything that is _Super Paper Mario_ related like **Castle Bleck** and **Red Chomp**. They belong to Nintendo/Intelligent Systems. I also don't own the song _"Can't Speak French"_,the title of the song, the lyrics and the CD single. They belong to **Girls Aloud**, one of the most successful British girl groups. But I do own what **Blumiere** and **Timpani** looks like, the living room in their home and the plot of the songfic.

Author's Note: Ever since listening and singing along to the latest single of the gorgeous **Girls Aloud**, as well as watching the music video, I was thinking of doing a songfic using the song 'cause I loved the song so much since it always reminds me of **Count**/**Lord Blumiere**. The reason why is 'cause he can't speak the language in the game and his name sounds French so the song obviously suits him pretty well. This songfic is a birthday present for one of my friends, **LazloTitan**. I hope you'll enjoy and love this gift, pal! :D Anyhoo, I'm gonna enjoy typing this up while listening to _"Can't Speak French"_, _"Can't Speak French – Radio Edit"_ and _"Je Ne Parle Pas Français" _anyway! :) If you want a copy of the song, the radio edit version and the French version, just say the word and I'll send them to you but first I need your e-mail address. Just tell me when you send me a private message, e-mail me and so on. There are a lot of ways to talk to me, by the way. So, read this _magnifique_ songfic to your hearts content!

**Starring character: **Count/Lord Blumiere

**Minor character: **Lady Timpani

**Starring couple: **Count/Lord Blumiere x Lady Timpani

Important note: **This songfic takes place in the dimension Blumiere and Timpani were sent to live forever in peace and harmony after the whole Chaos Heart fiasco was over. Count Blumiere won't speak in French throughout the songfic, hence the title. Just keep that in mind that Timpani only appear in the fic as a minor character and the Count is the star. **

* * *

Can't Speak French

Blumiere and Timpani were in the living room at their home, sitting on a sofa together facing each other. The room was cavernous and classy. The walls were decorated with the finest, elegant wallpaper that have a beautiful detailed floral pattern dotted all over the paper. A golden chandelier was hanging above the pair. Posh and classy chairs and sofas were laid out here and there. The seats on the sofas and chairs were comfy and comfortable to sit on. A large white double door with circular, smooth matching doorknobs were on each sides of the door. It can be seen on the far left side of the room, which leads to the exit. Another door can be spotted on the right side of the room. A black stereo was in front of the cute couple on a wooden table on top of the fabric. A silky cloth with an unusual, zigzag repetitive pattern was covering the timber surface. Several mini-tables with round surfaces were placed close to the left and right door against the wall. Below the tables, they each have four small legs, which were stuck to the carpet. On the furniture were lovely, radiant fresh picked red roses in a vase. Each vase has a colour of the rainbow and the roses were in a bouquet. They were watered just recently since water droplets were seen on the petals of the pretty posies. Timpani must have taken good care of them in her spare time.

(A/N: You can tell by the description of the room that Blumiere and his wife are both living in a castle, which the Count somehow constructed himself probably by using magic. Lol, Blumiere's used to living in castles that he created one in the dimension they're currently living in. XD Hilarious, huh?)

"This room is incredibly quaint for my taste, Blumiere." Timpani commented, looking around her indoor surroundings and faced him. "You must have taken your time decorating, huh?"

Blumiere covered his mouth with his gloved hand and chuckled, amusingly. "That what happens if you lived in castles all your life. I took the liberty to build a castle of my own for us to live in. I'd say it pretty much suits my style."

Timpani giggled and they both laughed, humorously. Loud laughter was then filled the whole room. After a few minutes, they stopped laughing.

(A/N: I'm not going to describe what my versions of Blumiere and Timpani looks like, I already did that in two stories so far which were _"Twelve Days of Super Paper Mario" _and _"Festivity on Film"_. If you wanna read their descriptions, just check out those fics I mentioned earlier.)

"It's really weird that all those furnitures, rooms, corridors and everything else in our home just appeared out of thin air once you made the castle. They look like if they just materialized by magic." The Lady curiously said.

"Exactly, what you said was correct. They **DID** come out by magic." The top-hatted Count nodded, pulling out his sapphire diamond staff from his cape and gestured to it. "I haven't done anything like that for ages ever since building Castle Bleck."

(A/N: That's my theory about how the Count constructed the darkened, black and white literal fortress.)

He shuddered a little after his remark. His wife immediately put her delicate hand on Blumiere's that was already on the seat of the sofa as she looked into her husband's eyes, deeply. Blumiere did the same, smiling fondly at her. There was an awkward silence between the two until Count Blumiere abruptly cleared his throat to break it.

"Timpani, I've got a confession to make to you." He replied quietly, giving her a sad expression.

"What is it, Blumiere?" Lady Timpani asked, being concerned for her true love once she saw Blumiere's saddened face.

"I… I…"

"Go on; please tell me what it is."

The Count is having a hard time to confess the truth to his wife and doesn't want her to know about it. It's difficult for him to find the right words and say them. He pulled his white collar that his ruby, spherical broach was on and gulped uneasily. He right away shook anxiously since he was very worried how his lovely lady would react when he told the truth to her.

"I-I c-can't s-speak…" The top-hatted, monocle-wearing Count stammered, uncomfortably.

"You can't speak what?" Blumiere's wife inquired, insisting on her darling to say something after that phrase whilst fixing her eyes on him.

Lord Blumiere stared at the ground, depressingly. It looks like if was about to cry but he didn't. He actually felt humiliated about the one thing that's been bothering him right now. He spoke in a quiet tone of voice. "I can't speak French…"

(A/N: Paradoxically, the speech Blumiere said just then was a part of the lyric, _"I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking talking now"_, the title of the songfic and song, _"Can't Speak French"_. Isn't that weird, everyone? The song is incredibly catchy and upbeat which one of the reasons why the song has become another **Girls Aloud **favourite!)

Timpani gripped Blumiere's gloved hand tightly and looking intently into his azure eyes, sharing the same expression with him. "That's awful, darling! Your name **IS** French so you should be able to speak the language!"

Timpani's husband slowly moves his head up from staring fixedly at the floor and gapes at his beloved sweetheart, still being miserable about his problem. He's being extremely emotional about the dilemma and was upset about it. "I-I just don't know why I couldn't speak it. It's very awkward to me."

"Don't feel sad about it, Blumiere. I know you can speak the language some day." The gorgeous girl smiled affectionately, attempting to cheer the Count up.

"I don't think I can, Timpani. Maybe I'm not French at all." Blumiere unhappily responded in denial.

The wife of the Count couldn't believe what she's hearing from her dearest Blumiere. She gazed absorbedly at him sternly but in a reassuring way. "That's ridiculous, love! Don't say that! I know in my heart that you can speak in French. I know you can!"

"There's no point in telling me that I can, my sweet." The top-hatted wearing man replied in despair.

He got off of the sofa that he and his love was sitting on and heads towards to the black stereo. He bent down and pushed a button to switch it on. He then pressed another button to play a song. The music of _"Can't Speak French" _started to play and he turns to Timpani, standing in front of the CD player.

"This is how I feel about not being able to speak French." Blumiere told to her, forlornly.

He pulled his hat to cover his face a little bit and spun his staff round and round at an alarmingly fast speed like a baton. He began to sing even as he still whirled it round.

**Count/Lord Blumiere: **

_I've wai-ee-aited underneath the covers all ni-ee-ight beside you  
And who could ever question any cryin' I do?  
My heavy heart is beating out of rhythm all ni-ee-ight inside me  
And I fall a little harder everytime that I do_

When he sung the word 'you', he stopped swirling his cane and pointed it at his sweetie, who was taken aback and covered her mouth using both her hands, gasping loudly. She then smiled sweetly at him and continued to pay attention to Blumiere.

(A/N: I chosen to do a different song layout than usual 'cause I think using the same format is getting old. Besides, this is a brand new birthday songfic for one of my mates, **LazloTitan**. So, new songfic means new layout.)

_Watch me living it up  
You totally  
Got me stuck in a rut  
You're made for me  
How'm I gonna step up  
And say to you  
I got the feeling, boy, I want you, want you_

Whenever he sings the word 'you' in the next part of the song, he points his magical staff at Timpani who tittered. She couldn't help but blush at the same time as well. Her cheeks turned red at the slight moment as soon as she was listening carefully to her husband's pleasant voice.

_The conversation is tough  
Because you're totally  
Walking round all the stuff  
You wanna say to me  
Words are never enough  
Oh baby baby, you turn my dust to gold_

The Lord winked at his dearest after he sung the last line of the third part who laughed joyfully. After she finished laughing, she sustained to hearing her honey sing.

"Blumiere's voice is so beautiful, I haven't heard him actually sing to me before." Timpani said to herself, silently. _This song is extremely catchy. The next time Blumiere sings this, I think I'll just dance with him. I'm sure he'll don't mind._

The monocle, tuxedo-wearing Count instantaneously stepped left and right repeatedly in a sequence even as he held onto the brim of his top hat and spinning his staff at a speedy pace.

_I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking talking now  
Oh, I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking, oh oh oh  
I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking talking now  
Oh, I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking, oh oh oh__  
_

"I guess I chosen the right song, it actually suits me pretty well. I can't speak French anyway." Blumiere replied, soundlessly. _I wonder if I can sing this in French… if I can speak and sing the language that is._

_I gotta let you know  
I wanna give in to my temptation  
And let my feelings show  
I gotta let you know-oh-oh-oh_

_I gotta let you know  
I wanna give in to my temptation  
And let my feelings show  
I gotta let you know-oh-oh-oh_

The esteemed Count always gestured his staff at Timpani, aiming at her, everytime he sings 'you' and points at himself whenever he sings 'my' using his free finger. A music break was then played after the final line for a couple of seconds. Blumiere coughed to clear his throat once more before saying anything to his wife.

"What do you think of my singing so far?" He questioned noiselessly, so he can hear the music and to make sure he doesn't miss his chance to sing again.

"It's… um… lovely. Your voice, I mean." Timpani answered, blushing vividly red like a Red Chomp as she said the compliment. "I've haven't heard you sing before. I never knew you were that good, Blumiere."

"Is that so?" The Count smiled. "You should sing with me, sometime. I'd be happy to do a duet with you but not on this song. By the way, I just noticed that you're blushing bright red at me."

He sniggered humorously after his comment which made his dearest's cheeks go red even more than before whereas the Lady turned her head to the left, avoiding eye contact with the Count. She even now gone red in the face, not wanting for Blumiere to see her like this.

"Here's my chance to sing again, Timpani. You don't have to listen to me since you're facing the wrong way." Count Blumiere informed Lady Timpani, attempting to grab her attention.

She stopped turning scarlet and shrugged her shoulders while smiling faintly. She rotated her head to gape at her honorable husband to listen to him.

**Count/Lord Blumiere: **

_Ohhh, ooh!  
I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking talking now  
Oh, I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking, oh oh oh  
I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking talking now  
Oh, I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking, oh oh oh_

While singing "Ohhh, ooh!" and the chorus twice, Blumiere tapped his staff left and right sideways repeatedly whilst gripping firmly onto the rim of his white top hat. Sometimes, he twirls his diamond sapphire cane unbelievably rapid because he was in a show off mood.

_I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking talking now  
Oh, I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking, oh oh oh  
I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking talking now  
Oh, I can't speak French so I let the funky music do the talking, oh oh oh_

He finally finished singing and doing his dance routine so he faced the stereo and pressed a button to stop the music and eject the CD out of the system. The CD came out of it and Blumiere carefully grabbed the CD and the case which was located beside the CD device. He opened the single case and placed the CD inside. He closed the case and put it back to where it belongs. He returned to the CD player and pushed another button to switch off the CD system. Count Blumiere whirled around to walked back to his lovely lady who was patiently waiting for him, sitting on the sofa. He gently sat next to her as soon as he reached the furniture.

"Er… where did you get that CD single from?" Timpani queried with a inquisitive expression.

"I must have imported it from a foreign country, I guess." Blumiere chuckled, shrugging. "I can't remember how I got it, though. I thought that the title of the song was catchy so I bought it."

(A/N: The country Blumiere is mentioning is the **United Kingdom** which is also known as **Great Britain **and **England**. That's where the band and I live at. **Girls Aloud** only release their singles, albums and DVDs in my country and no where else. Shows which stars the good-looking girls are aired in the **UK**, only as well and the group tour everywhere just in **Great Britain**.)

The Lord's beautiful beloved giggled playfully and suddenly kissed him on his left cheek. "Yes, it is catchy indeed. '_I can't speak French_', that is **SO **you, Blumiere!"

She touched him on the nose mischievously and skipped off giggling, leaving Blumiere sitting there, dazed. Timpani simply ran out of the left door, happily. The confused Count placed a gloved hand on his left cheek and gently massaged it. He moved his hand away as silence entered the room until he spoke after a small number of seconds.

"Was it something I just said or sung?" Lord Blumiere said, cocking an eyebrow and sitting there motionless. He closed his eyes and shook his head. He then opened his eyes. "Never mind, Timpani can be very silly sometimes."

He gradually rose up from the sofa and walked to the same door that his silly sweetheart went out of. He gone through the white double door and closed it behind him on the way out, holding on to the doorknob. He walked down the long, echoing corridor whilst swinging his staff in his hand. Throughout the journey to his room, he hummed the _"Can't Speak French" _chorus to himself, merrily. Blumiere would have just teleported to his and Timpani's room but he wasn't in the mood for that. He wanted to enjoy his trek by humming the song he sung.

Even though the top-hatted man couldn't talk in French yet, someday he will speak the language fluently. Blumiere will have to find a way to converse it somehow, maybe the song can inspire him and help him to speak French at some point.

"I hope I can speak in French, it's weird that I felt better after singing the song. Hopefully, I won't have this feeling burning inside of me anymore. It's odd how a song can affect my emotions, right now I need to look for Timpani." The formal-wearing Lord spoke to himself, looking around the corridor. "I wonder where she gone off to?"

He continued to hum the memorable song as he carried on going down the hallway to his bedroom, as well as his wife's.

* * *

Author's Note: There will be a sequel to this called _"__Je Ne Parle Pas Français"_ which takes place after this songfic. Read the summary on my profile for more information. Once I submit this to both websites, I'll get cracking on the sequel. This is the first songfic that have a **Girls Aloud **song in it and the only one that have a sequel. There are two more songfics on the way that have a different **Girls Aloud** song. For those of you who don't live in the **United Kingdom** like I do, I'm sure you guys haven't heard of the feisty five. They are one of the most successful girl groups in the country and have a big history. They released tons of albums and CD singles all over **Britain**. So far, they appeared in numerous television shows and one film known as _St. Trinian's _and DVDs starring the gorgeous girls are out in the shops, only in my country. They also do concert tours in each area of **England **so obviously all of you never heard of the famous five. I've always dreamt of meeting them in person and watching them sing at a concert. This year they are doing the _Tangled Up _tour and hopefully, someway I will buy a ticket to see them for real and perhaps meet them in the flesh. The band is like one of my idol girl groups. :)

Anyway enough rambling of one of my most loved female bands, I'm sure you'll love this songfic **LazloTitan**! I've spent about over 2 days working on this songfic so hopefully it's worth it! :D Happy birthday, pal! ;) Clearly you can tell that this song fanfiction is dedicated to you 'cause I told you it's a birthday present from yours truly! I wish for you that you'll have a splendid day and you'll get loads of gifts from your friends and family! You're gonna have a birthday bash, am I right? If you are, I'm certain that you'll have a smashing time! … But not literally. Read and review everyone! Other than that, please no flames. I'll do something about them if I see any of that trash. I'll be most likely to be deleting the anonymous ones and finding a way to erase the other flames that were by unappreciated flamers.


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